The first cup….A Poem

I took my first cup of coffee just now,

The first of many…

I have to have a lot

Because I am in another day

That I am required to serve my kids

And their families

And It’s nearly impossible….

I took my second cup of coffee just now,

The second of more that will come…

It has to keep coming, you see

So that I can lean on something

And stay at full speed

As I crash into the wall of another day…

I took my sixth cup of coffee….just now…

(And a got little extra help from my new friend Xanax)

So that I can deal with a child who will, today,

Scratch and claw and bite and fight against his inner monsters,

And me as well—and I will have scars atop the ones I still am nursing

I took my first glass of wine just now…

It won’t be enough—never is of course;

I have to have a lot you know

Because I am in another night where

I’ve built a new womb called drunkenness

It’s driven my wife away..

And my kids…

But, after these days as a teacher stretch out

Through this time of soul destruction

Sweet wine closes the spiked door on the stress and terror of each day

And—it opens the satin door…

To not remembering what I am doing…

I spoke to her last night with words I can’t remember

I hurt her with those words of anger out of where my life has gone

I hurt the only one who dares to love me

I chose to numb my soul

And mind

To the point of changing into someone else

And I’m losing her…and myself

But I need that new womb still…and can’t find a way out of it

I took my first cup of coffee just now…

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