I come through the door
and slam it with such force
that the dogs run for cover
and my wife stiffens
knowing what is coming.
The fucking day was fucking awful.
I’m home now dammit and I’m GOING TO HAVE SOME TIME!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
But then questions come…
and without any warning
I EXPLODE into “GREAT! PILE ON PLEASE!!!!”
My jaw tightens,
My teeth clinch,
I speak through those clinched teeth
with words of warning and bile
and with NO empathy for their reception
….whatsoever.
It gets quiet very quickly.
Children go to their rooms.
The dogs go and lay down somewhere…anywhere…
My wife puts on her noise-cancelling headphones
and begins banging dishes together
wet from the sink,
WHICH MAKES ME INSANE
and..I EXPLODE AGAIN…
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”
That’s when she just leaves…
she puts down the dishes she’s been washing
she retreats, hurt and aching from my vomitous poison,
into the bedroom and silently closes the door…
WHICH MAKES ME INSANE
and…I EXPLODE AGAIN..but on the inside this time;
at myself…and I slam my fists on the table
and yell out in my mind
“YOU ASSHOLE!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??”
That’s when I just leave…
not physically;
but in my spirit.
I had a hard, terrible day, true—but;
The nuclear fallout of that day has spilled onto my loved ones
and they are now all burned black by its’ fire….
And I reach for the bottle.
I drink from it over and over again
until the rage and fury I felt because work was awful AGAIN
is just a memory
as will everything else I just said or did…or will it?
I black out so I’ll never know.
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