RAGE: The Monster in the Closet

I come through the door

and slam it with such force

that the dogs run for cover

and my wife stiffens

knowing what is coming.

The fucking day was fucking awful.

I’m home now dammit and I’m GOING TO HAVE SOME TIME!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

But then questions come…

and without any warning

I EXPLODE into “GREAT! PILE ON PLEASE!!!!”

My jaw tightens,

My teeth clinch,

I speak through those clinched teeth

with words of warning and bile

and with NO empathy for their reception

….whatsoever.

It gets quiet very quickly.

Children go to their rooms.

The dogs go and lay down somewhere…anywhere…

My wife puts on her noise-cancelling headphones

and begins banging dishes together

wet from the sink,

WHICH MAKES ME INSANE

and..I EXPLODE AGAIN…

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

That’s when she just leaves…

she puts down the dishes she’s been washing

she retreats, hurt and aching from my vomitous poison,

into the bedroom and silently closes the door…

WHICH MAKES ME INSANE

and…I EXPLODE AGAIN..but on the inside this time;

at myself…and I slam my fists on the table

and yell out in my mind

“YOU ASSHOLE!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??”

That’s when I just leave…

not physically;

but in my spirit.

I had a hard, terrible day, true—but;

The nuclear fallout of that day has spilled onto my loved ones

and they are now all burned black by its’ fire….

And I reach for the bottle.

I drink from it over and over again

until the rage and fury I felt because work was awful AGAIN

is just a memory

as will everything else I just said or did…or will it?

I black out so I’ll never know.

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