Eyes open…thoughts begin to race all over the room–
It’s gotta be early—I just can’t believe this
Go back to sleep! What’s the matter with you??
I look at the clock;
it’s just past 1am.
Jesus this sucks.
My “meds” aren’t doing anything…
“of course, they can’t you idiot!”—I say to myself,
“they’ve been washed away by all the alcohol you just drank”…
So I lay there–
hoping, praying, BEGGING my mind
to STOP THE ENGINE
and let me rest…
but the engine ROARS to life….and the throttle sticks.
Its at this time that the river of fire starts again..
That my creative juices flow like a stream of fury
at a velocity that will not slow….
Thoughts race in and out,
My mind turns to images of erotica I shouldn’t indulge in but do…
I then begin the questioning over and over again as well–
“Did I do this” and “Why haven’t I done that”.
and finally –“Hey—Let’s get up and write some stuff!
Come on LET’S GO!!!”
So…I blearily relent and,
quietly, as stealthily as I can,
as not to wake the wife
or trip over the damn dog,
I make my way to my den of insomnia..
My pit of undreamt time.
I sit in front of a blinding white monitor
and start typing…not meaning any real idea, just typing out what comes;
and the words run on and on and on
without ending they fly out from nowhere yet somewhere deep inside;
My fingers once again flying over the keyboard.
“Where is this coming from?”, I ask myself
“From your pain” a voice says inside—“A blindfold fell off”…
And, as the blindfolds fall off from the numbing elixir of life
I took in so greedily just hours before,
and painful sobriety starts to crack it’s way out of the shell
I have placed around my mind,
I grow tired finally…but it’s too late now to sleep.
I have to get ready for a new day as her alarm has just sounded
and it’s 5:30am again….time for coffee.
And the wheels go round and round.