I figured that since I can’t sleep anyway, I might as well be up writing as opposed to just laying there thinking of things to be writing.
This has been a brutal week. The work itself has been constant stress and waiting for the next shoe to drop, especially with one student who gets so violent, (where we have to go into a behavior mitigation), we are short-handed, chaos seems to be building each day and we spend the days, like most teachers now, treading on eggshells, just waiting for one to break. And the floor to just give way beneath us.
Then, in the midst of this wonderful eggshell walk, I get a call from my wife that she has 101 fever, and all sorts of lovely symptoms of COVID. So, like the proverbial wind, and job be damned, I blow out of the school parking lot before school ends (with permission of course) and head home so she can go through a lovely round of testing.
In the meantime, I play the “What The Hell If” game as I wait for an eternity to find out what its going to happen, and how we will possibly isolate ourselves in a three bedroom apartment with 4 people inside, and how work will feel about me being out again so soon after my meltdown last week (actually I really don’t give a shit about that but just sayin’)..and on and on and on; no break or rest for those with no breaks and rests. “Jo, Johnny! What do we have for him to do?” says the Game Show announcer in my head…”YYEEESSSSS It’s CLEANING TIME!!”
So it begins. I drag out ALL the possible cleaning materials and products we have and while I’m waiting I literally clean everything in sight. Dogs run for cover. I spray and wipe down everything in the house including the kids and dogs, and all the while trying to be prepared with the checklist I’m running in my mind—being able to quarantine successfully and contain the spread should it come to that. Please Dear Lord Little Baby Jesus Boy, do NOT let it come to that.
After what seems like 25 years of waiting, we get the results and they are negative. Thank God. I lay down on the now clean floor and just take a moment to merge with it.
However, had she not have gone to get tests, they would not have found that she has an extremely serious kidney infection that, if left untreated or diagnosed, would have put her in the hospital and she would have had real trouble. She will have to have shots for the next two days to avoid that but that is a small price to pay. Although she is the one getting the shots so I shouldn’t sound so flippant.
So, there’s that. But that’s controllable and that’s good. We can get her better–but; once again, the thoughts pile up and up and up; like papers ot graded and unused headstones; nd it’s 3:17 am and I have to write. I must write–like a LUST in my body I HAVE TO WRITE. It’s getting to where time away from this keyboard is time I don’t want anymore. I’m only truly happy when I’m writing now. Unless, like now, I keep screwing up letters and having to CORRECT THEM.
I have things to do like we all do, but I live to type on these keys and talk to you dear reader, about all the grand and glorious chaos I have in my life–so maybe you can feel better about yours.. I’m about 3 ticks shy of a full blown breakdown; haven’t had a drink now for 12 days; I have about 5 hours until I enter the maelstrom of a classroom that will tax me to my limit, my wife is ill and I have to make sure my child is learning virtually. Oh! and I got paid so I have to pay the bills and watch my bank account drain.
Oh well, It’s nearly Friday.
Is coffee ready yet?