She’s build a castle around her heart;
A castle made of the stones
I’ve thrown at her over the years
she’s wasted with me.
Rocks I carved with my stupidity and ignorance
It’s always all about me, you see….
The stones carved with the words:
and Selfish ego.
And so many more words and actions
indelibly stamped on each one in the walls.
She’s built a wall round her soul as well;
I carved some strong foundations for her to use there;
Made sure that those rocks there are hard and craggy,
and made from things
that no wife should have to bear.
Those rocks are carved deep with the words
wasted time, alcoholism, childishness,
fear of him, distrust…and hurt.
Her heart and soul are beautiful,
as she is;
as beautiful as the sun on a Spring Day..
and brighter than that could ever be.
and more colorful than the flowers
that bloom on such a day–
No woman ever lived who made a man happier
and prouder and more excited to be a man.
But men are vain, mindless, creatures;
ignorant of everything but themselves
and their toys or their “needs” and making
everything revolve around what hey want.
And, a man can spend and ruin his life carving rocks…
rocks that, over time, and over years of not changing.
build walls that love can no longer breach.
I’ll never be able to breach those walls I’ve built.
To earn her trust, nor that special love anymore.
I built those rocks too strong.
She must live behind them
to be protected and safe;
and I must live on the outside…
and accept that judgement,
and forever look at what I’ve done….