The barred doors of the cell of the past and the misunderstood assumptions present in the ones close to the heart insure the cell of the future is to be a sentence of life; For the crimes of memory and resentment is a prison and offers no escape and no parole, And the key is... Continue Reading →
It's 4:00am again and I find myself reaching for the "Pull" side of the dingy entry door to the Diner in my head. I'm hungry for the "Early Bird Writer's Special"; at least I tell myself that. I'm actually hungry to sit down and start my day of trying to crawl my way through the... Continue Reading →
"Everything Sucks. Leave me alone, please" https://travelwithintent.com/2020/10/17/are-you-living-on-barbed-wire/
The sails of the ship that propel my soul long to be filled with the wind of hope, only to hang useless and empty with the doldrums of hopelessness. https://en.support.wordpress.com/comments/pingbacks/
The Coffee here isn't good; Neither is life, though, so that's a good balance at least. I sit in the Coffee Bar/Diner in my head, "Joe's All Night Eats", and wait for the imaginary waitress with the heavy eyeshadow, smeary lipstick, dumpy figure, (complete with Sky-Blue, frilly uniform), and the obligatory 6 inch long cigarette... Continue Reading →
The chessboard of his day looms like a unbearable wasteland in front of him this morning. No matter what moves he makes nor what piece he moves, it will end with his King toppled. "Why move at all", he thinks. "Why not just stand still and let the pieces move themselves?" So...he withdraws from his... Continue Reading →
I sit in the glow of the monitor, dredging out my soul and my mind of the layers of sediment that have deposited by the stream of the week. On this day, the road changed, and, out of a time where things appeared bright and the sun had just started to shine through the clouds,... Continue Reading →
In Chess, A Rook is a Castle. A castle stands for strength and defense. My life stands for neither. Rooks have simple moves on the board; they can either go forward or backward... up or down. I find that is all I can do as well. The Past is a backwards move and I make... Continue Reading →
I'm up against the wall of working in a school where we have COVID with students who are aggressive and behaviorally unable to control themselves. They can and do attack, scratch, claw, bite, and hit because they have no other way to communicate what they need. They are just as trapped as we are and... Continue Reading →
The cold oustide today, crisp, and damp and sullen as my heart; is as a balmy desert when compared to the deluge of raindrops that fill my soul with a flood of tears.
The clock shows an hour until I leave; I feel like a porcelain doll facing a room full of hammers, with no way to stop them, just block it out; and having no cboice at the finish but to glue myself back together after the end of another day.
I figured that since I can't sleep anyway, I might as well be up writing as opposed to just laying there thinking of things to be writing. This has been a brutal week. The work itself has been constant stress and waiting for the next shoe to drop, especially with one student who gets so... Continue Reading →
I teeter above the void of life's inner battle; suspended from chaos and anxiety's kiss by the thinnest of strands-- what is left of my soul's strength... I watch the band grow thinner under reality's grasp until it is as delicate as the whisper of a breeze.
My sanity is walking through a time of choices; on a wafer thin sheet of ice that cracks and splinters in my mind's eye.
I call anything From now on That makes me afraid, That keeps me awake at night, That makes me want to quit my Life’s work or worse, my life’s meaning.... Rubbish. I name thee Demon, And thy name is rubbish. You came close this time, Oh so very close, But you failed because I return... Continue Reading →
I can't, I just can't... I've done nothing but lay here and drunk in the sound of my failing soul that screams at me to not bother anymore; because all I touch turns to bitter ashes and those I hold dear are swept up in the dust.
The night comes I miss the darkness... Of when I could numb my soul Against the blinding reality of responsibility. The darkness beckons... And I feel the siren call of yearning to be numb To become as one wrapped and cocooned In a blanket of contentment. The darkness touches me... It taps me on the... Continue Reading →
Ok. This is getting ridiculous. It's 1:00am and, despite having my "meds" in my system, and being up since about the same time yesterday morning, It's 1:00am and my eyes snap open like cartoon window blinds that say "WAKE" and "UP" on each cartoon eye. ...And so I get up; because I NEED to write... Continue Reading →
Fear, for me, is like having my head in a hatbox. I saw a drawing once, from an old Disney Record album of “The Haunted Mansion” (Which I wore out because I loved it so much) of a man holding a guy’s head in a hatbox. That’s the fear that drives me to do all... Continue Reading →
Eyes open…thoughts begin to race all over the room-- It’s gotta be early—I just can’t believe this Go back to sleep! What’s the matter with you?? I look at the clock; it’s just past 1am. Jesus this sucks. My “meds” aren’t doing anything… “of course, they can’t you idiot!”—I say to myself, “they’ve been washed... Continue Reading →