I call anything From now on That makes me afraid, That keeps me awake at night, That makes me want to quit my Life’s work or worse, my life’s meaning.... Rubbish. I name thee Demon, And thy name is rubbish. You came close this time, Oh so very close, But you failed because I return... Continue Reading →
You’ve got to be kidding. Nope. Cartoon mouse is up and pulling eyelids open now AGAIN and it’s not even 1:00am. I mean, really?? Is there some great purpose from On High that I have to perform to keep waking up this way night after night after night? My mind is already careening around looking... Continue Reading →
I can't, I just can't... I've done nothing but lay here and drunk in the sound of my failing soul that screams at me to not bother anymore; because all I touch turns to bitter ashes and those I hold dear are swept up in the dust.
My mind races; faster than mercury's wings, 'round in circles and never returning to the center-- taking me down roads of imagination and color, fury and sadness, madness and brilliance all in a moment's twinkle... And leaves me spent.
The night comes I miss the darkness... Of when I could numb my soul Against the blinding reality of responsibility. The darkness beckons... And I feel the siren call of yearning to be numb To become as one wrapped and cocooned In a blanket of contentment. The darkness touches me... It taps me on the... Continue Reading →
Ok. This is getting ridiculous. It's 1:00am and, despite having my "meds" in my system, and being up since about the same time yesterday morning, It's 1:00am and my eyes snap open like cartoon window blinds that say "WAKE" and "UP" on each cartoon eye. ...And so I get up; because I NEED to write... Continue Reading →
Short but sweet… A man’s heart lies in a lot of places; it lies in work, it lies in devotion to family, it lies in duty, and it lies….period. It lies when it says he doesn’t need to be touched or “it’s ok; I’m not in the mood either”… when in fact, he very much... Continue Reading →
Fear, for me, is like having my head in a hatbox. I saw a drawing once, from an old Disney Record album of “The Haunted Mansion” (Which I wore out because I loved it so much) of a man holding a guy’s head in a hatbox. That’s the fear that drives me to do all... Continue Reading →
Eyes open…thoughts begin to race all over the room-- It’s gotta be early—I just can’t believe this Go back to sleep! What’s the matter with you?? I look at the clock; it’s just past 1am. Jesus this sucks. My “meds” aren’t doing anything… “of course, they can’t you idiot!”—I say to myself, “they’ve been washed... Continue Reading →
It’s late and dark and the time is mine alone now… I’ve earned this right, this right to drink my fine, sweet wine haven’t I? I worked a job most people won’t work and survived… That’s worthy of a drink right? Of course it is… And the first blindfold wraps around my eyes…. I am... Continue Reading →
I come through the door and slam it with such force that the dogs run for cover and my wife stiffens knowing what is coming. The fucking day was fucking awful. I’m home now dammit and I’m GOING TO HAVE SOME TIME! LEAVE ME ALONE! But then questions come… and without any warning I EXPLODE... Continue Reading →
We begin— Timer set for five minutes… And counting…GO! This is what it’s like Dealing with the brain I carry around in my head Each day and that I struggle To keep focused On the least little thing While also reacting to Everything around me At the same time. Questions from all directions, answers needed... Continue Reading →
Good morning dear readers, As many of you know, I am currently dealing with struggles and challenges (as truly many of us are in these blighted times), with stress, anxiety, addiction, and panic. I'm a teacher. A teacher of students who have profound Special Needs. These students are loving and truly beautiful children who deserve... Continue Reading →