Stepping out of the usual haikus and short poems, I wanted to get something out into the world. I was recently given advice I am not going to take. It was given with the best of intentions and with a giving heart, but it was inherently wrong for someone like me. You see, I am... Continue Reading →
Looking back at me is the face of distortion; changing and growing yet still afraid and knowing that each day I can still fall.... Falling and flailing against morass of psychic tar, and knowing that it came from within me makes my soul weep for all my mistakes.. and from the pain I have caused... Continue Reading →
Day 16 in recovery begins. Good Lord Baby Jesus in Heaven I wanted a drink last night. I know I sound like a pathetic lush, but this is tough people. Recover, to me, is like wearing a suit that fits too tightly for you and the sleeves make it hard to lift your arms but... Continue Reading →
It's 8:00pm and it's getting close to my time. I look for the timer to ring, because when that signal sounds the gates of my arena of addiction fly open and the lions roar through.... I am excited by the lions because they need no whip nor chair; I accept their attack with open arms....... Continue Reading →
A new sunrise begins to wake the stillness and blackness of the night that has enclosed my heart; the crisp, new morning air breathes life back into a soul that had ceased to breathe; and the first birdsong of the morning... unlocks my mind, clearing now, after months of despair into a day, at last,... Continue Reading →
Today is personal. Today I start building back from the wreckage of the last eight months of drunken reeling, late-night stumbling, callous ignorance of those around me, self-pitying drivel, and general hating of who I am and who I was becoming. I haven't had a shower in days; I've barely eaten because I just don't... Continue Reading →
I call anything From now on That makes me afraid, That keeps me awake at night, That makes me want to quit my Life’s work or worse, my life’s meaning.... Rubbish. I name thee Demon, And thy name is rubbish. You came close this time, Oh so very close, But you failed because I return... Continue Reading →
The night comes I miss the darkness... Of when I could numb my soul Against the blinding reality of responsibility. The darkness beckons... And I feel the siren call of yearning to be numb To become as one wrapped and cocooned In a blanket of contentment. The darkness touches me... It taps me on the... Continue Reading →
He was turning six; A time of fun and the world is bright… There are not yet any borders or thorns to pierce you, And all is color, and flash, and magic. He was turning six; A time of conflict and hardness… Between his mother and I, Where borders were raised and thorns were embedded... Continue Reading →
She was out of town… Away and far aflung and it was the Summer-- The new plague ran rampant across the land of fear; And I went back to the playpen of denial I her absence…. Free to be a child again to “deal” with the fear-- …and tuning out the world. For a whole... Continue Reading →
I turned my key in the lock And opened the door to fall into hell. Once more….with feeling. The work day, full of it’s shrieks and thrashing had begat once again a satin night of drunken mindlessness… And I ran to it with opened arms. “Abandon All Hope”. Indeed. I slunk along the baseboards and... Continue Reading →
Looking up at the ceiling… It’s dark; my head hurts How did I get here? I was just standing up for Christ’s sake Now I’m down here…. And I can’t move Looking around… My wife’s laying asleep just feet away Thank God the door is closed Or she would once again See me like this…and... Continue Reading →
Anger spits out Like venom from a viper’s maw… You can’t be in my life anymore… You can’t give me your love again… And I can’t enjoy your embrace… Anymore….. Rage shakes a hammer at the glass of my soul… It shatters it into a million pieces and sees me on the floor You can’t... Continue Reading →
